Things Harry Potter is Never, NEVER Allowed to Do
by O.o yaoi fangirl O.o
Summary: Exacty what the title says. Some people, honestly. You would think you guys can figure things out using kindergarten logic...
1. Only Chapter There Will Ever Be

Disclaimer: I like fries! And bubble tea! :D Yeah, not much of a disclaimer I know, but…really. It says DISCLAIMER. So obviously, Harry Potter isn't mine. DUH. Idiots…

Harry Potter not allowed to declare himself Supreme Leader Mugwump, and then conquer the Ministry.

Harry Potter is not allowed to declare himself Supreme Leader of House Elves and Pygmie Puffs and then conquer the ministry.

Come to think of it, Harry Potter is not allowed to declare himself Supreme Leader anything, and then conquer the Ministry.

Amendment. Harry Potter is not allowed to attempt to conquer the Ministry AT ALL.

Harry Potter is not allowed to abuse his power as the Boy-Who-Lived and demand that everyone serves him as his slaves.

Harry Potter is not allowed to hug Voldemort to death, just because he's "family."

Harry Potter cannot hum the Pink Panther theme song when he's wandering the halls at night.

Harry Potter is not allowed to hum Mission Impossible when wandering the halls at night.

Harry Potter is not allowed to hum ANY kind of spy theme song when wandering the halls at night.

Harry Potter is not allowed to use DA as his personal army to launch against anyone who has wronged him in any way.

Harry Potter is not allowed to name the Gryffindor Quidditch team "The Best Bloody Broomsticks in Hogwarts."

Harry Potter is not allowed to call Draco Malfoy his love muffin. Even if he transfigures Malfoy into a muffin with love written on it.

Harry Potter is not allowed anywhere near Cornelius Fudge, lest he cause anymore mental trauma to the pudgy man.

Harry Potter is not allowed to recruit the Weasley twins into an ultimate prank war.

Harry Potter is not allowed to start an ultimate prank war between Snape, Sirius, Remus, and himself.

Harry Potter is not allowed to eat chocolate Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Actually, Harry Potter should be allowed nowhere near chocolate, so for everyone's safety and sanity, all of Potter's chocolate should be burned

Harry Potter is not allowed to seek revenge from in the Dursleys by turning them into fluffy pink animals, and bouncing them around. No matter how entertaining and funny it was to watch Moody bounce Malfoy around in ferret form.

Harry Potter is not allowed anywhere near Moody, lest he get any more insane ideas he would like to try out.

Harry Potter is not allowed to create a harem…or start an orgy.

Harry Potter is not allowed to hit on any of the Weasleys. EVER.

Harry Potter is not allowed to ask girls to come to his room to show them "something" in the dark. Even if it is something that glows in the dark.

Harry Potter is not allowed to abuse his Head Boy privilege by taking points away from Slytherin every time they look at him.

Harry Potter should be informed that being a Prefect does NOT involve balancing on your head and eating with your feet.

Harry Potter is not allowed to throw Snape in a bath full of shampoo, no matter how much his hair needs to be washed.

Harry Potter is not allowed to dance on Dumbledore's grave like a madman, even if he feels that Dumbledore wronged him, and he is a madman.

AN: So I know I "supposedly finished this, but i was looking it over, and was like, "OMG, this is so crappy." So i decided to add to it. And make it even more crappy. HAH! TAKE THAT! and no, i do not know who I am talking to.


	2. Okay, I Lied Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything cuz I'm incapable of thinking up something completely original. All things Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling...

Harry Potter is not allowed to call Dumbledore a pedophile...even if Dumbledore is gay and calls Harry to his office wayy too often.

Harry Potter is not allowed to ask Lucius Malfoy if he is a pimp.

Harry Potter is not allowed to ask Lucius Malfoy why he has a pimp cane if he's not a pimp.

Harry Potter is not allowed to steal Lucius Malfoy's pimp cane because he wants to be a pimp.

Harry Potter is not allowed to be a pimp.

Harry Potter is not allowed to travel back in time to give the Marauders more ideas on how to prank the people in Hogwarts.

Harry Potter is not allowed to get anywhere near a threstal ever again. Especially with what happened last time...the threstals are still traumatized.

Harry Potter is not allowed to start a paintgun war in Hogwarts

Harry Potter is not allowed to start a paintgun war in Hogsmeade.

Harry Potter is not allowed to start a paintgun war in Diagon Alley.

Harry Potter is forbidden from starting a paintgun war AT ALL.

Harry Potter is not allowed to accuse that everyone he meets is spying on him because he's paranoid.

Harry Potter is not allowed to freak people out by saying, "So YOU'RE ..."

Harry Potter is not allowed to send flowers to Snape just to see if he will spontaneously combust from anger.

Harry Potter is not allowed to shove Snape into the sunlight to see if he really is a Twilight vampire.

Harry Potter is not allowed to travel to Forks, Washington so he can jump on the cafeteria tables in Forks High School screaming that Bella and the Cullens are living the worst cliche ever written.

Harry Potter is not allowed to travel to Forks, Washington just so he can make fun of the name.

AN: Sorry...but I'm not gonna update any of my stories because no one really reviewed for Saving Love. Consider me going on strike. LOL. JK JK. I think I'm gonna update Gundam Pilots at Hogwarts...only thing i, I don't remember where I left off. Anyway. I demand reviews. At least 2. please?


	3. A Product of Writer's Block

Heyyy! I'm back from Europe. It was torture I tell you torture! No internet access…*shudders*  
But rejoice! I have decided to update! :D

Disclaimer: BTW, I in no way own Harry Potter.

Harry Potter is no longer allowed anywhere near the Weasley Twins. Twins + Harry Potter = Mass Hysteria. Enough said.

Harry Potter is not allowed to watch Naruto. Any Naruto paraphernalia found will be burned. The ideas Harry has gotten from the shows is not really good for anyone's sanity.

Harry Potter is not allowed to watch any more crime shows in order to find new ways to kill Draco Malfoy. Being insulted is no excuse for homicidal tendencies.

Although it is quite obvious that Percy Weasley has an icicle up his ass, Harry Potter is not allowed to send him an ice-pick for Christmas with a note saying "I thought it might be helpful for whenever you want that icicle in your ass out. You're welcome!"

Harry Potter is hereby banned from the premises of Hogshead in so that no further drunken riots inside said pub will occur. (AKA, Harry Potter is not allowed to cause drunken riots in Hogshead.)

Harry Potter is not allowed alcohol whilst in The Three Broomsticks, for fear he will lead other drunks to Hogshead to start a drunken riot.

In light of recent drunken events, Harry Potter is not allowed to be anywhere near alcohol. Ever. All alcohol near said insane hero is to be vanished and replaced with water.

Harry Potter is not allowed to play with Mentos and soda. If the explosion of soda or the explosion in general (and everyone can agree that explosions and Harry Potter should not be mixed) are not good enough reasons, then what is?

Harry Potter is not allowed near anything with sugar or carbonated drinks, as this will lead to trauma, broken bones, decimated buildings, and a drastic population decrease in bunnies.

Harry Potter is no longer allowed to hit on anyone, male or female, without proper supervision. If hit upon, you have express permission to do whatever you have to, to take him out. Bodily harm and maiming is allowed.

Harry Potter is not allowed to dance the Macarena in this lifetime or any following lives. The dirty version that he has done as scarred too many eyes already…

Harry Potter is not allowed to train bunnies into vicious attackers so he can set them on unsuspecting Hogwarts students.

In the interest in keeping the Magical World attack, Harry Potter must be followed by a platoon of while in the Muggle World, so the chaos created in Harry's wake will be easily fixed. …On second thought, the platoon should also follow Harry Potter while he is in the Wizarding World so the citizens will not be privy to their hero's loss of mental stability.

AN: I had a great time writing this! The Macarena part was inspired by a conversation with a couple of friends on how it was supposed to go, since none of us could remember the order. I still can't. And thankfully, there has been nobody (at least to my knowledge) that has done a dirty version of the Macarena. Could you imagine all the mentally scarred five year olds in the world? Though the dance would be argued to have slightly sexual connotations…

Unfortunately, since my vacation, everything for Gundam Pilots at Hogwarts STILL comes out like crack. I mean I could post a crack version until I get my head on straight, but…well, you tell me what you want. Should I post a crack version now and then try to write the serious version?


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